Is self-confidence a trait we either have or not? And if we do, is it a guaranteed for-life package — deal, or is it like a muscle that gets stronger and stronger as we work on it? And if we are not one of those super humans who were born with an extra boost of self-confidence to last a lifetime ( do they even exist?), what can we do to help us increase our confidence?
The secret to self-confidence is just three simple words.
Just do it.
Nike nailed it.
Just get up, and act. Do something, anything.
Studies have shown that confidence is 50% genetically predisposed. So let’s raise our hands to heaven in pleas that our parents bestowed on us a healthy dose of confidence. But when those hands go down, let’s roll our sleeves and get into action.
Because 50% of our confidence it’s up to us. And that gives us plenty of work to do.
If we sit around and wait for the confidence boost to kick in as if it is a magic pill, chances are we will sit around for a long time, most likely wasting our brain cells watching TV or mindlessly scrolling through social media.
So, what can normal humans, like you and me, do to feel more confident and self-assured? They act. They do what needs to be done. Slowly but surely, the confidence grows.
Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. — Dale Carnegie
I will share with you a few things you can do to get off that couch and get going ( in another article). But before that, let me tell you this story.
When I was 15 years old, I moved to Israel to live with my grandmother, who had just lost her husband, my dear Vovô ( grandpa in Portuguese).
I spoke Hebrew fluently for a non-native, but I could not understand Math ( it was never my forte) in Hebrew for the life of me. So, as an unthinking but kind teenager, I skipped all the math classes and went to volunteer as a visitor to a hospital two bus- rides away instead of asking for a math tutor.
I skipped math classes for two and a half years.
Senior year comes along, and everyone is studying for the math government exams. I only know that 2+2 =4 and a couple of other calculations. I am notified that if I don’t pass the math exam, I won’t be receiving my high school diploma even though all my other grades are between the 80s and 100.
And so, although I was a homeschooled student for most of my life, excelled in my studies, and was somewhat responsible and disciplined, I am a 17-year-old girl without a high school diploma.
I went ahead to pursue higher religious studies and travel the world. Going to university was never in my mind, so I did not think I would need that damn high school diploma and forgot all about it.
A few years later, I was applying for a job to be a preschool teacher in luxurious Marbella, Spain. The director asked that I read a reasonably thin book on child psychology and go to see a psychologist to be tested on the material. After a couple of questions, the lady said: “ You are good with this. Why don’t you go to university?”
I blushed at the compliment, said thank you, and quietly told myself, “Oh, who knows? Maybe…”
She unknowingly planted a seed in my mind. Oh, the power of words!
Fast-forward to marriage and birth of two children. I worked part-time. I was almost 29 years old. The idea popped into my mind; maybe I would go to university and get a degree.
I had no clue how long this would take me. Perhaps if I knew it would take me almost nine years, I wouldn’t have started. But God is wise in devoiding us of foretelling powers.
I was fortunate to find a university that was understanding and highly accommodating to unconventional students like me. Nevertheless, there were steps to be taken, and they were long and hard steps.
I had to take a non-credit preparatory class, and the professor had 8 years of military service behind her; I kid you not. That class was a mental and academic boot camp; I could only proceed with my studies if I passed it.
Long story short, that class showed me how far away I was from my goal. As a Brazilian attending high school in Israel, I had never written a single English essay. The first essay I submitted came back with a line written in a red pen, “That was a poor attempt at writing an essay.”
I felt crushed.
It lasted a brief moment. I still remember laughing at myself. I had such low expectations of what I could do that I did not take it personally.
I thought, “I will do better next time.” And anything would have been better than that first paper.
Long story short, I passed that class. I obtained the 18 extra credits needed to replace my lack of a high school diploma. As a mother of two young children (to begin with), an employee, and a student, life was hectic. I used to run out of the office and run into classes as I passed students casually strolling with their oversized coffee cups. Then, as soon as class was over, I would run again to get the kids from school.
As the years went by, the road became bumpier with unexpected turns, detours, and quite some blockages along the way. I birthed another child and tried to be a superwoman breastfeeding around the clock, working, and studying. Unfortunately, my grades dropped so low that I was on conditional standing.
Where was the confidence to keep going?
I had moments of doubt.
How did I see the light at the end of the tunnel? Sometimes I did not. Despite that, I just kept moving on. One more course, check. One more paper, and I patted myself on the back.
I birthed my fourth child and got divorced at the same time. This time, I learned my lesson and took a year off.
Taking a break, it’s not giving up.
It is knowing yourself enough to do what you need at the moment and rearrange your priorities. One of them may well be merely to survive the year and make sure everyone stays alive.
At last, I graduated.
All the thousands of steps I took slowly built my confidence that I could do it. And when I failed, I let a tear out, wiped, and continued. If I had waited to feel self-confident, I would probably still be waiting.
If you ask me, “ Do you feel confident getting a Master’s degree?” I will say, Hell yes! Because I did it once, and I know I could do it again, even though that road will have its hardships.
No matter what your goal is, take THE FIRST STEP.
And then keep going. One step at a time. No matter how long the journey ahead.
One day you will get there.
Moral of the story:
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help in any shape or form.
- Get that damn high school diploma. You don’t know when and how it will serve you.
- Never give up. Indeed, it’s never too late.
- Act. Now.
—
Previously Published on Medium
The post The Number One Confidence Booster appeared first on The Good Men Project.